who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize