The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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