I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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