my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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