you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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