We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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