hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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