hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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