you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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