if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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