How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize