I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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