Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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