Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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