I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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