he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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