i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize