she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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