Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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