I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize