Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I won the penis lottery.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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