you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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