Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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