oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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