I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize