and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize