i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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