Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize