MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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