so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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