Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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