I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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