ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
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