oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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