I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize