So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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