ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize