He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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