Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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