Your mouth is God's brothel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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