just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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