I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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