Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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