if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize