Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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