I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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