If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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