i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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