Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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