I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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